Get a text message sent to your cell phone when your friend logs in. Or get an email, or both.
You can find out the online and offline status of your friends without even logging into Second Life.
The person you are watching for doesn't need to be on your FRIENDS list, or even know who you are.
That person will only know you are monitoring his online status if you choose to tell him.
Many configuration options, and you get to put in the exact text that will be in the emails and text messages that you receive.
You can use as many copies as you like, so you can monitor as many people as you like.
This is not a HUD, and not an attachment but an actual object that you rez and leave working even when you are logged out.
It is only one prim and you can place it anywhere you can rez items.
It has a picture frame mode, where it will automatically look up the person's profile picture, or you can drop in any texture image you wish. And since you can make copies, you could even have a whole wall of your friends' pictures, and turn the alerts off and on easily for all of them.
Of course, since the prim is modifiable, you could also just make it transparent and tiny, so it "disappears."
If you have any questions before buying this item, or after, please contact Wolfe Rexen inworld by IM or Notecard.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
my star
still and utter silence
vast velvet night
my gaze locked onto a distant star
my revolution feels motionless
slow ellipses around you
a faithful radius in the dark
so far, but constant
a constant blink in the darkness
a constant thought in my mind
Penso sempre em você
vast velvet night
my gaze locked onto a distant star
my revolution feels motionless
slow ellipses around you
a faithful radius in the dark
so far, but constant
a constant blink in the darkness
a constant thought in my mind
Penso sempre em você
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Lance's threats
I am having trouble sleeping.
Damien brought me back to the catacombs. He killed me, but only after I had pleaded. As soon as it was done, I felt whole again.
So I am with my family; Damien, Xan, and the others. I need them, and the truth is, they need me, too.
The knights are hysterical, of course. We have been turning humans right and left. Some come willingly; some simply catch our eye and we take them whether they like it or not. Once they are turned they thank us. Living humans cannot know the pleasure and joy in undeath.
So Lancelot has ruined any chance he had with me. Before we turned a mage and her slave, he tried to get me to stop it. He told me if we killed them, I would never see the babies again. And he would never sleep with me again, either.
I had not captured the females; it was not my decision to make. He said I had the power to stop it; he overestimates my influence amongst the others. Any show of human weakness - such as a need for his affection or to see my infants - and the Undead would turn on me.
They should turn on me in such a case, or I would lose all respect for them myself.
But I am formulating a plan. I must see my children; if trickery is required, that is what I shall resort to. I will not leave them under his power - he uses them to attempt to control the undead through their influence on me. I will not be the pawn of a knight.
We have a plan, and the knight will pay.
And in the end, I will have him in my bed again. My strength and skill with a sword do not match his; yet I have powerful weapons at my disposal. I managed to seduce the knight before, and to bear his young as well. I have a strong influence over him; I will get my way.
Damien brought me back to the catacombs. He killed me, but only after I had pleaded. As soon as it was done, I felt whole again.
So I am with my family; Damien, Xan, and the others. I need them, and the truth is, they need me, too.
The knights are hysterical, of course. We have been turning humans right and left. Some come willingly; some simply catch our eye and we take them whether they like it or not. Once they are turned they thank us. Living humans cannot know the pleasure and joy in undeath.
So Lancelot has ruined any chance he had with me. Before we turned a mage and her slave, he tried to get me to stop it. He told me if we killed them, I would never see the babies again. And he would never sleep with me again, either.
I had not captured the females; it was not my decision to make. He said I had the power to stop it; he overestimates my influence amongst the others. Any show of human weakness - such as a need for his affection or to see my infants - and the Undead would turn on me.
They should turn on me in such a case, or I would lose all respect for them myself.
But I am formulating a plan. I must see my children; if trickery is required, that is what I shall resort to. I will not leave them under his power - he uses them to attempt to control the undead through their influence on me. I will not be the pawn of a knight.
We have a plan, and the knight will pay.
And in the end, I will have him in my bed again. My strength and skill with a sword do not match his; yet I have powerful weapons at my disposal. I managed to seduce the knight before, and to bear his young as well. I have a strong influence over him; I will get my way.
The babies were born.
They are lovely -- a girl with wings, so beautiful she shines. Surely she is Lancelot's. And a dark boy with horns, his strength already apparent. He is certainly Julian's.
Lancelot has taken them to be with his family in Avalon. He says his daughter is to be the next Lady of the Lake, when the time comes that his mother gives up the title. He wants his daughter to be prepared and we both want the children raised away from the perils in Ireem.
He was kind to take Julian's son as well. Julian wanted the magi to have him; I did not. I don't trust them.
They are lovely -- a girl with wings, so beautiful she shines. Surely she is Lancelot's. And a dark boy with horns, his strength already apparent. He is certainly Julian's.
Lancelot has taken them to be with his family in Avalon. He says his daughter is to be the next Lady of the Lake, when the time comes that his mother gives up the title. He wants his daughter to be prepared and we both want the children raised away from the perils in Ireem.
He was kind to take Julian's son as well. Julian wanted the magi to have him; I did not. I don't trust them.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
faith
Julian has left Ireem. I know not where or why - I only know he is gone.
He asked me once to trust him, and I gave him my promise that I would. But I find my faith weakening more and more every day.
I find myself once again wandering Ireem. I speak to no one unless spoken to first. Mostly I sleep. I would go in search of him; I would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked. But I suspect he has left Ireem in order to escape me for some reason.
So I can only wait, and hold on to whatever tatters of faith I can find in my heart, trying to stitch the scraps together, trying to trust just because I said I would.
The truth is, I am not very good at faith.
Perhaps I am not really a living woman after all. Perhaps I have fallen into purgatory, an endless period of waiting... waiting to be told that it is time to grieve. Waiting to be told that it's time to yell, to scream, to throw things at walls and smash my own heart beneath my feet.
I feel a scream growing deep inside me, from the pit of my soul, a monster that would consume me. I struggle to keep it contained. I am not very good at restraint of emotion. It seems to take all my energies to silence this beast and keep it chained and locked away.
Missing Julian has become a mantra. My friends are kind, they have not forgotten me; but somehow Ireem becomes a corpse of what it was. Julian was my purpose; I know not how I should go on.
He asked me once to trust him, and I gave him my promise that I would. But I find my faith weakening more and more every day.
I find myself once again wandering Ireem. I speak to no one unless spoken to first. Mostly I sleep. I would go in search of him; I would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked. But I suspect he has left Ireem in order to escape me for some reason.
So I can only wait, and hold on to whatever tatters of faith I can find in my heart, trying to stitch the scraps together, trying to trust just because I said I would.
The truth is, I am not very good at faith.
Perhaps I am not really a living woman after all. Perhaps I have fallen into purgatory, an endless period of waiting... waiting to be told that it is time to grieve. Waiting to be told that it's time to yell, to scream, to throw things at walls and smash my own heart beneath my feet.
I feel a scream growing deep inside me, from the pit of my soul, a monster that would consume me. I struggle to keep it contained. I am not very good at restraint of emotion. It seems to take all my energies to silence this beast and keep it chained and locked away.
Missing Julian has become a mantra. My friends are kind, they have not forgotten me; but somehow Ireem becomes a corpse of what it was. Julian was my purpose; I know not how I should go on.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Anneliese's Transformation
I lay in a bed, surrounded by pillows and quilts, finally in safety, and I find myself amazed.
I live again! A living, breathing, human woman, a babe in my womb, and my lover's arms wrapped around me, holding us both close.
How this miracle came to pass is still a wonder to me, for I had been sure Julian would simply destroy me, so great was his rage, and so powerful the madness that gripped him.
Several of the magi had made my existence in the tower untenable. Julian is powerfully regarded, but the others could not accept me in their presence. They considered me an evil invading their sanctuary. In truth, I could not blame them.
While no group wanted me, I yet had many friends throughout Ireem, I found. My connections are vast; from high-ranking, beloved slaves in the palace, with the ear of the Princess, to city council members and leaders of the knights and bedouin, not to mention mere slavers and even prey. I have friends in many places, high and low. Many would not abandon me, though we must keep our friendships secret, for fear of retaliation from our own groups.
I had, however, heard reports that Julian had stated - loudly and for all to hear - that he did not care for my well-being, that I was of no interest to him.
I could not, of course, remain with the Magi under that type of "protection", and perhaps it would have been wiser to just quietly leave and make my own way. But my heart was bruised, and my woman's pride deeply offended. My pride is a weakness, and it brings me to do the most stupid things at times.
Anger propelled me. I had no intention, really, of harming my babe. While, as a demon myself, I had not the soft feelings a human mother might have, I would not have slaughtered the offspring of a succubus and a half-demon mage. The infant will be too powerful, even from birth, to waste in such a way. Humans may be suitable as blood sacrifices, but a child with such parentage and potential should be used more wisely, I had thought.
I was angry, though, and my pride could not allow me to sit idly by, a woman scorned and disrespected.
Without my sword, I had little to use to cause Julian any hurt back. I certainly could not challenge him to a dual, as I have done before. I felt he did not want me, and I was merely a hindrance, an annoyance to deal with. I was not sure he would have noticed if I had simply walked out of the tower, never to return.
I was most ashamed of the jealousy I felt - such a weak, puling emotion, to feel insecure over a man's affections, and to feel another woman as a threat. The woman who impelled such feelings was only a human, and a member of that worthless breed - a knight. She was a friend, however - one of those secret friends I have in the knight's ranks - and I had done her a favor.
Julian was there, and I saw him watching her closely. She noticed him as well, and when she whispered to me that I might share him with her, I became furious.
I reminded her, spitefully, of the impotence rumored of the Magi clan, and Julian heard my comments and stormed off. He just -- walked away to the Magi tower.
I returned to the apartments we had rented and brooded, wondering if he was meeting my friend secretly, wondering if he was looking for another lover amongst his own kind. Even an Undead Succubus, I discovered, can be consumed by silly, petty, ridiculous female jealousy. I would have given more than my soul to rid myself of such weakness, but alas, I know no cure.
While in the tower, Devlin, a slave of a mage whom I first befriended in my early, lonely days in Ireem, asked Julian about my welfare. She reported to me later that he dismissed any thought of me - making it clear that he cared not about either me or the babe.
This was my state of mind when I made the threats that led to my eventual salvation.
It horrifies me to admit it now, but I threatened to sacrifice my own child to Kora, the High Priestess of the Undead.
The sacrifice could have brought me back to the bosom of the Undead, one of my most important goals, of course. But that was not what compelled me. It was mere offended female pride that brought me to such depths as threatening to kill my own offspring.
Julian returned to our apartments, and I lay with him quietly, hiding the fury in my heart. While he slept, I stole his sword, and I hunted for Tenzing, a powerful, brilliant mage. She is a cornerstone of Magi power - she is more educated in their ways than any, even moreso than Julian.
With her capture, I could force her to sacrifice the infant to Kora, and Kora would surely take me back into the fold then. Enslaving a powerful magi and forcing her to sacrifice a magi demon baby to the high priestess? No gift could be greater, I thought.
I attacked her stupidly, on the sands, in broad daylight. I was too angry to plan the attack well - I knew it at the time, but rage took over my self-control.
Tenzing intends to raise the magi baby, and thus would not kill me, but she did manage to fight off my attacks. She allowed me to walk away to nurse my further injured pride.
I returned later, still determined to capture her. The other mage, Kwren, was there. I overheard Tenzing tell her, "Be careful of Anne, Kwren. She has a perchant for ambushing Magi at the moment."
"I may as well kill them all, along with the child I carry," I threatened.
Kenzing looked concerned, and said, "Your child is part of you as well, it is not all Magi. You can mould it, shape it how you like, into a great Undead."
This, I knew, was merely her way to stave off any further immediate attacks, until she could get Julian to try to bring me under control. We all knew that this child would never know its mother - Julian would turn it over to Tenzing to raise, and I would eventually make my way back to the Undead.
Thus, I challenged her faulty reasoning. "And what should I care about my own offspring? you don't imagine I have motherly instincts, do you?"
"No... But you do have instincts. Surely the thought that a life hangs in the balance of your decision, throughout it's life, brings you some pleasure."
"What better for an undead, than a baby killed in sacrifice?"
She sighed, and said "I'm only trying to bring a balance. I study for true immortality. This baby could be the key to many doors."
Of this, she may have been speaking truly. Few know it, even among the magi, but she seeks to study Undead so she can bring immortal life to human, living souls. This is why she wants my infant, not only for the awesome power the child will surely have at its disposal.
I went to the catacombs and recklessly entered where I was no longer welcome. I informed them that I planned to attack the Magi. The High Priestess asked if I planned to attack the baby's sire as well, wondering if I would attack the one who supposedly protected me.
I answered, "After he publicly declared that my welfare means nothing to him? unless he captures me, this baby is getting sacrificed to you, Queen Kora."
Xan began asking me about the rumors that the baby belonged to the angel knight, but I had no time to answer her. Tenzing and Kwren were alone on the sands, and I was tired of waiting - I was going to take them both.
I ran from the catacombs, and Xan paused for only a moment before taking her sword and rushing after me. My dear sister remains devoted, despite the doubts of the high priestess and the others.
We could have taken both the magi - Xan and I are both decent fightiers, and I had fury on my side. However, Tenzing yelled to the knights that I intended to sacrifice the infant, and the knights rushed in to protect them and fight me. I do not know if love for Lancelot was behind their actions, or merely alliance with the magi themselves. But it was unexpected; I was not prepared to fight against so many, with only my sister at my side.
We were holding our own, however, against the two magi and several knights, but then Julian appeared. He questioned me while I fought Tenzing, he asked why I would do such a thing when the magi had offered me their protection.
Refusing to answer, forgetting his awesome size and power and force, blinded by my own ire, I turned my weapon on him, and struck. He unsheathed his sword in a moment and began swinging at me, the blade slicing through the air with such speed and force, his eyes flashing and sparking with fury, his tail lashing, and his body drawn up to its full, awesome height.
He is only half-demon, but such a powerful half-demon that even I quake at the sight of him in his full power.
I saw only the knight, offering herself to him, and his gleam of interest as he observed her. I heard only the words the slave had said, that he dismissed me as unconsequential. I felt only jealousy and the fury of a woman's injured pride.
A smart woman would have run - safety was within reach, if I had but run. But I stood there and fought him, furiously attacking, not caring for the safety of the babe, or myself, or even Julian. I wanted blood; I wanted to taste death, either mine or his.
He was angry, but not overwhelmed by it. In all my great fury I could not touch his soul; I could not push him over the edge. Even yet, even with my betrayal of the magi, I could not touch his soul, I could not take his control.
I was furious. I lost all control to this half-demon, I lost my very soul to him, but he remained stoic, in power, unaffected in any primary way.
He had me down. In his strength he was able to parry my attacks, and strike so that my sword flung from my hand across the sand. He shoved me to the ground and kneeled there, his knee on my chest, pinning me.
Panting and enraged, I glared at him, but he only grinned slyly at me, taunting me. "The Magi will always prevail against the Undead."
Tenzing asked, "Who claims her capture?"
Julian wiped the sweat from his brow. "I do," he answered.
The mage Kwren looked at me with pity and said in a kind voice that infuriated me further, "Julian claims you. I can do nothing."
"Why should Julian claim me?" I asked. "I am led to understand that only Tenzing and Franz care for my welfare or the welfare of my babe. So perhaps one of them should take possession of me instead."
Kwren interrupted. "And do I, Anne. I care."
Anneliese Wolfenhaut looks steadily at Kwren. "Thank you, Kwren. It is nice to know I have some friends in the tower."
"That you have," she said, while Tenzing and Franz nodded in silent agreement.
Julian glanced at Kwren and myself, eyeing us with suspicion.
The knights and the magi stood watching us. I looked about for Xan, but saw her not. She had barely escaped, and did not yet know I had been taken.
One of the mages asked why I had fought, and why I had turned against them when they offered their protection. He asked if I fought for the Undead, in their attempts to acquire territory from the Magi.
Tenzing alone, however, understood my motivations. She is shrewd and aware. "Anne attacked me and Kwren, it is not about territory... More I think that she hates Magi..."
They looked at me, all of them, as I lay prone in the sands, powerless under Julian's strength. "I do," I answered. "I
"But why do the knights aid us?" he asked.
"I think the knights have a problem with my plan to sacrifice the baby," I answered him, glaring at the knights and the magi, avoiding Julian's gaze.
Julian fired a glare at me, "That makes two of us," he said, his knee pushing me harder into the sand.
"Word has it, you do not care for our safety, Mage," I spit out, and I began to struggle against him, in vain.
He merely smiled, a cool, sinister grin, and laid his hands on my shoulder, pinning me more securely to the ground. "What gave you that idea?" he asked.
I was unable to female bitterness from my voice, as I answered, "I have friends, Julian... they repeat the things you say. If you wish your treachery against my honor to be kept secret from me, then perhaps in the future you should whisper."
He stared at me for a long moment, while the others grew quiet, watching us. I challenged him, staring steadily into his gleaming demon eyes, daring him to deny it; I wanted him to state, plainly and for all to hear, that he cared for me. I was ashamed to realize it, but I wanted his public declaration of love and devotion -- such a pathetic thing for a succubus to even wish for from a half-demon.
In that moment, I felt weak and destroyed. Not because he had me on the ground beneath him; not because the magi and knights had witnessed my humiliation. But because my own heart had defeated me. In my heart of hearts, a human woman still existed, and it had taken me down. I was powerless to control my emotion.
Julian shrugged dismissively. "You assume I care about who knows me and what I think. Such is your folly."
Tenzing frowned and flashed a look of compassion and pity towards me. "Come Franz, Kwren... We should give them some privacy."
They left us alone, then -- the knights and the magi.
Julian stared at me for a long moment then moved his knee off my chest and yanked me by my shoulders to a sitting position. He insisted I explain what I meant.
"The slave told me, Julian.. she had asked after my welfare when you were in the tower, and you dismissed me. Even she was angry with you, and I grow tired -- very, very tired -- of hearing of your unconcern about me."
He simply stared, and I found myself breaking down, my voice shrill and plaintive, "The third time, Julian! This is the third time such reports have returned to me!"
He stared at me for a moment, in shock, then stood suddenly, towering over me. His eyes flashed silver sparks, and he yelled, "I was trying to get out of the tower to return to you in the apartment! I was dimissing the conversation so I could get back to you quickly!" He lowered his head, his face inches from my own, grabbing my shoulders roughly, his strong hands gripping me hard.
When he yelled, it was with full demon power, his voice booming across the sands, "Do NOT EVER convict me ofthis EVER AGAIN before you know FULL FUCKING WELL what happened!"
I stared into his eyes, realizing that I had never before seen his full power. I did not want to be the recipient of it. My own powers were weakened by the pregnancy. I could not use seduction or wiles to squirm my way to safety this time; I was lost, and had no control.
"You have no idea the anger I'm feeling right now," he whispered.
Oh, but I had.
His eyes glared with insanity and he lifted his hand, backhanding me with a vicious blow to the face. I fell to the ground, stunned.
"You will NOT sacrifice this child, you foolish bitch," he spat, and he grabbed me by the armed and yanked me to my feet. "Let's go!" he ordered, "and shut the FUCK up until we get there." He dragged me across the sands towards the city gates. As we neared them, I slowed, looking frantically for a friend to come to my aid.
He yanked me hard, almost knocking me down to my knees. "I said... MOVE!"
We past the gates and towards the auction block. I do not know how I managed to follow him; being sold to the highest bidder was one of my greatest fears. While I have many friends in Ireem, I also have great enemies, and I could not forget the mistreatment I suffered as a human girl, at the hands of a vicious slaver.
I overheard a mage say, "I can see no rational reason for her behaviour.. I can only think she is disturbed."
Little did he know! It was mere human feelings that were my undoing, all along. With all my power, as a demon and an Undead, I found myself laid low by something so pathetic as jealousy and injured female pride. At that moment, I felt more than disturbed.
Julian swung me around by my arm and propelled me onto the auction block angrily. His eyes flared with supreme hatred.
I glared at him, my cheek aching from the earlier blow on the sands, my fury overcoming my pride. I could not remain cool, as the people began noticing me there.
I looked longingly towards the catacombs, wondering where my brethren were, and why none cared enough to stand up for me. Had I lost them so thoroughly, then?
Grabbing my shoulder, Julian leaned into me, using his body weight to slam me down to my knees on the block.
I made eye contact with Tenzing for a moment; she saw what was happening, and while there was compassion there, it was distant; the communication was clear; she stood with Julian.
"Do you intend to kill us, Magi?" I spat, furiously tamping down my fear.
He offered me a cool, disdainful sneer. "For the time being, you're more useful to me otherwise." He leaned towards me, pointing a finger an inch from my bruised face. "Shut.. the FUCK.. up."
I felt the eyes of dozens upon me. I, who never submitted to any man, brought low before all, humiliated and powerless. I could not let them see my fear. I smiled at Julian, my eyes narrow with hatred, "And if I refuse to comply, Magi? What then? You slay me here, me and your precious child?"
A slave girl gasped, and yelled, "Why are they going to sacrifice your baby?"
I glanced at the girl and jerked my chin in Julian's direction. "Ask him. He's the father."
He wound up again, a fist this time, and slammed it into my jaw, my head cracking back and my face spilling blood upon the auction block devices.
"I said.. SILENCE!"
I slammed to the ground, stunned into silence.
My dear friend Devlin was there, standing with her Master, and I caught her horrified stare, and heard the gasps of slaves, prey who knew too well the pain of a violent master. I could not bear their pity, however, and I looked up at Julian instead.
He was glaring wildly, his lightning-streaked eyes sparking and flashing. He flexed his fingers, a sneer filled with deep-rooted insanity etched into his face. He leaned over me, his powerful body blocking my site of the onlookers, my world just filled at that moment with himself.
His immense form hoving over me, I licked the blood from my lip, and could not but feel a deep sadness. I stared at the gleaming muscles of his bare chest, smelled his masculine scent, and images of lust and heat filled my mind. Even still, I wanted him, powerless as always when it came to Julian.
He pointed his finger at me again, inches from my bruised face, and declared loudly for everyone to hear, "This child will not be sacrificed. It will become Magi."
I slowly sat up and stared into his eyes, and said quietly, "Then perhaps you had take better care of its mother, Magi."
Julian raised his voice and sent a sliver of magic into it, casting out across Ireem for all to hear, "You understand that, Undead? The Magi will have this child. I will have this child!"
I felt a thrill of victory then, a female excitement that started deep in my loins, and I wondered frantically how I might overcome him, finally and forever. I wanted his devotion. But alas, I could not. For Julian, as ever, was in control, of his own heart as well as my own. I would never own this mage. I would ever be enslaved to him instead.
A slave with tears in her eyes approached the elevated platform where I knelt, and bravely asked, "Would you like some water, Lady?"
I tore my gaze from Julian and glanced briefly at the woman. "If the child dies it suits me fine. I need nothing, save perhaps a knife to the womb." The girl shuddered, but I cared not. Let them all hate me, I reasoned. I was laid low; nothing mattered anymore.
From the other side of the auction square, a commotion began. Another slave, this time a devoted friend of mine, and a slave of another mage, had heard what was happening and had rushed to try to help me.
Kahdoosch approached Julian, more courage and foolishness than anything else, and declared, "A magi who beats his slaves, such an unusual sight. Are you sure you aren't a slaver, Lord Julian? Maybe you try to beat your unborn child out of the poor woman?"
Tenzing shushed him, stating, "Kahdoosh, do not interfere... He acts not as a Mage first, but as passion."
Julian ignored the taunts of the slave, and slammed his open hand into my throat, hooking his fingers around the back of my neck in a tight lock. "Your wellbeing is fixable, and if I deem it so - very painful. I dare you to speak again."
I tried to swallow, afraid of course, that he would finish my existence right then and there, but also I found myself undeniably aroused. He was touching me again, his hands on my flesh, his body overwhelming mine. Such power and grace and such a force, that I yet have trouble comprehending him.
I stared steadily at him, daring him, "Go ahead, Julian," I rasped, "kill me in front of all these people. I know you want to."
The girl who had offered me water shook her head and stumbled away, and I was not sure who had disgusted her more - Julian or myself.
Kahdoosch continued his protests, a lone voice at the auction square. All others watched silently. "A mage who acts through passion does not deserve the title of magi," he yelled. "The realm of thought has it's own rewards!"
Even Tenzing murmured an assent, the treatment evidently being harsher than she expected, and Kahdoosch continued, "Maybe Sir Julian demands the death of his child before he sees reason. The rumors I hear are true; the magi do need a new leader."
Julian continued to ignore the commotion and, keeping his hand wrapped about my throat, he smiled sadistically. "Fortunately for you, this spell requires you to be declothed."
I saw then that his hatred for me was real, for he knew the depths of my pride, and the mortification I had experienced when I was a human and a slave.
Glaring with impotent fury, I spat in his face, daring him to choke me to death first.
He simply grinned, using his tongue to lick away my spit. "Tastes like fear."
I hated him then, for as powerful as he was, I sensed in him a weakness that was greater than even my own. He was unable to admit to any affection for me at all, driven only by lust and greed for the babe I carried in my womb. "I do not fear you, Julian. You fear yourself."
Holding me still with the hand at my neck, he used his other to rip away my dress, tossing the scraps aside in ravenous hunger.
The knight Bikku gasped, and I heard her say, "He is too brutal!"
I felt the cool air against my bare skin, and I felt the eyes of all upon my naked flesh, and knew I should feel great shame for my humiliation. But it meant nothing, their gazes. It was all Julian. Julian, glaring at me, abusing me, hating me, denying anything so soft as love between us. It was Julian that laid me bare, he conspired with my emotions to destroy all my power, and leave me mortally wounded.
I looked only at him, not wanting to find what I knew would be in the eyes of the people who watched; pity, hatred, disgust, and lust. I wanted none of it.
Julian reared back with a closed fist and slammed it suddenly into my belly, sending a wave of magic with it... a spell spreading throughout my body like a thousand piercing knives.
I sucked in my breath, and a sudden, shocking revelation came to pass; now, as my body was consumed with destructive fire, I felt a love and devotion for the child that was surely dead within me.
I looked at him and whispered in regret and disbelief, "You killed our child, Julian?"
He answered coldly, "The damage I do is to the vessel only. I will not threaten the life of my child."
I closed my eyes and focused on the pain gripping my belly, and sure enough I felt the small movement of life within. The babe yet lived, and I sensed it was protected somehow, shielded from whatever injury its mother might sustain.
Kahdoosch gave me one last sad glance and said, "I must depart. I can watch this sacrilege no longer." He turned away from the sated throng, and said, "I hang my head in shame at the depth of my fellows' depravity."
Julian leaned close, licking his lips. "If you hadn't spit on me, I would've asked you to. Thank you for the final element in my spell. I need something to distinguish your flesh from my child's."
I looked at Tenzing, hoping for interference from her on my behalf, but seeing no intention there, I looked back to Julian. His face was no longer etched in rage, but the coldness I saw in his eyes, and the stubborn set of his jaw was much more frightening to me. "What do you intend?" I asked him.
The half-demon's face washed over me in a wave of cool, collected poise. I trembled, fully afraid for the first time, as he crouched down in front of me, offering me a sarcastic smile. "I dared you to speak again. And now I'm going to indulge your disobedient body."
A knight broke through the crowd to stand near us, and she shouted at him, "We see how you stand up to an unarmed woman - how would you stand up to an armed woman? I challenge you to the arena!"
When Julian refused to even look at her, she yelled more loudly, "Coward! To attack a defenseless woman!"
I looked at the knight, knowing full well that she could do nothing to stop the half-demon, not now, when it had gone so far. I wanted rescue, but knew it would not be possible.
And even in my condition, I could not bear to hear Julian called a coward. "While I would not put it past him to strike a defenseless woman, I must admit I may have drove him to this insanity. He IS just a man, after all... half demon or no."
The knight continued, "If he was a man - and not only male, he would be in the arena with me now."
"Perhaps you are right, knight. If he were truly a man, he would publicly declare his intention to protect me..."
He ignored my words, his level gaze never leaving my face and I could see that he was summoning power from deep within. He slowly raised a hand towards my mouth, his fingers open and spread... that sly smile still playing on his lips. I quivered with fear and lust and needs that I hardly comprehended, and visions of pathetic actions passed through my mind. Of throwing myself into his arms, of begging for his mercy and love... things I could never, ever do, as I knew he could not love me, not even for the sake of his child.
I stared at his hand, horrified and fascinated as his fingers jerked slightly, and a wave of fiery magic spilled out into my mouth, sinking down into my very being... seconds later, the magic solidified and coated itself over my mouth, sealing the orifice tight.
The knight and the onlookers close enough to see the spell gasped, shocked and surely frightened themselves.
"I'll get you Julian," the knight vowed. "Any knight will."
I blinked a few times, startled and shocked. I was unable to move my lips, unable to speak a word. He had silenced me.
One of the magi shouted to Julian, "Apply a coat to the knight's mouth, brother... she pollutes the ceremonial with her screams."
The knight heedlessly and perhaps foolishly continued, "Julian. Your life will be a mess if you do not release her."
He continued to ignore her, nodding slightly as he looked over his work, a satisfaction lining his face. He leaned another hand in and closed my nostrils tight. "I wonder if this would affect you as it would someone alive."
I struggled against his hands, then, feeling his fingers tighten around my throat, and trying to free myself from him. An involuntary whimper passed my throat and he released me then. He slapped me hard across the face. "Good. We learned something new today."
My head slammed back against the auction pole, and as I ignored the sharp pain, I glared at him, unable to taunt him in any other way.
He stood to his full height, breathing deeply, and stepped down off the platform.
The people grew hushed, as they looked upon his powerful form. Surely they feared his power, now that they saw his method of silencing me. What other magic might he have at his disposal? I know not myself.
Tenzing walked over to the knight and placed her hand on the knight's shoulder, whispering, "Without Julian's interference, an innocent child would be dead right now. It is not a pretty situation, but the crime of angry passion of a hurt father is a small price to pay for the life of the child..."
Bikku muttered, "But the child of what? Such a monster..."
Julian raised his hands to the crowd. "I didn't expect you all to have a desire to watch this, but so be it. I'm happy to oblige."
The knight challenged Tenzing, "Are you out of your mind?"
Kwren replied, "It is true.. I can vouch for that. We attend to give a farewell to Anne and accompany her to her passage.. too."
Julian spun back around and faced me, closing his eyes shut.
The knight continued, "Do all here agree with this terrible act?"
Julian's fingers curled up into fists as he raised his chiseled visage to the heavens, his lips mouthing the words to begin the spell. A breeze brought goosebumps to my exposed flesh, and I heard the trill of a bird in the distance.
I knew it was the end; he was going to finish me off, a final death for an Undead, and thus, I stole the moment for myself. I watched his face, his beautiful face, which I had kissed and touched. My gaze dropped to his broad chest and his rippled belly, and below to his hips and powerful thighs. Images flashed through my mind of dark nights spent in his lover's embrace, and I clung to them, entwining them in this moment in my mind. Julian, standing there, eyes closed, preparing for my eternal death. Julian, wrapped around me in the night, his pelvis thrust against mine, my legs wrapped around his hips, the slide of our skin in passion and shared ecstasy.
It was all the same, this moment -- for love had brought me here, to my ultimate destruction. And even still, had I the power to leave him and save myself, I would not. I would lay my life before him, had he willed it, and it seemed he had.
Julian was my master -- my only superior here on this earth, and perhaps the only one I would recognize even in the heavens.
I watched him, pleading with my eyes for him to forgive me and love me, but I saw no reprieve.
As if from a great distance, I heard the knight mutter, "Julian, you will be a hunted animal now."
Julian breathed deeply then, and lowered his face to mine, his eyes drifting closed in concentration. The air suddenly shimmered with an explosion without sound.
His eyes opened and an onslaught of bolts arced from his retinas as he stared at me... a single, threaded bolt flared out and struck the ground nearby, sending a shattered, crumbling slab of marble away over the cliffs.
I felt the reverberations as if the impact had hit me directly, sharp pain filling my entire body. I crumpled to the floor, my breath knocked entirely out of me, and I lay very still. Opening my eyes, I thought it strange that the people just stood there, unaffected, and that all had not been torn asunder by the power of the spell.
His faced looked carved from stone as he gazed at me, a brilliant and deadly array of small bolts of lightning spewing from his eyes.
Julian moved closer to the podium... jagged sparks threatening to pierce the crowd.. coming inches from a very quick death.
Slaves and citizens backed away, a space opening up before the auction stand upon which I lay. I stirred, and weakly sat, bracing my hand on the ground for support.
He raised his hands slightly, his mouth still chanting in silence. "Now.. to separate you from the baby you wish to sacrifice."
I heard gasps from the crowd, and Bikk yelled, "Anne!"
His hands continue to rise. "But first.. let's put some life into that corpse."
"I cannot bear to watch. Anne!" Bikk yelled, yet I was too weak to acknowledge her.
I focused my gaze on the catacombs, wishing for Xan, or my brother Damien to at least stand by my side as I passed on, if not to save me. For I knew I could not be saved. Julian's will was too strong.
As he pushed his hands forward an enormous onslaught of lighting spewed from his outstretched fingers, catching me with an intensity that I shall never forget. It's magic passed into my body... wrapped throughout my entire being... and embraced my soul.
I collapsed and felt the ground rush up to meet me.
I know not how much time had passed, but I awoke to find Julian kneeling before me, large and looming, but with concern and what I can only describe as deep affection etched in his face.
He waved his hand, and the magic encasing my mouth disappeared in a puff of dust. I licked my dry, cracked lips and looked at him as I whispered, "Julian?"
"How do you feel?" he asked, his voice quiet. He leaned down, hooking his hands up under my arms and lifting me to my feet.
I felt my pulse restarted, blood which had solidified long ago pumped through my now-human veins, affirming that his magic had worked. I was once again, alive.
A sob caught in my throat as I felt a lurching from the depths of my soul, of love and adoration.
"I feel... different." Looking up at him I bit my lip. I was afraid to ask, but really, what else was there for me, but him? "Will you take care of me now?"
I watched as his broad shoulders relaxed and his breathing slowed. Wiping his forehead of sweat, his gaze was steady and he made his vow. "I will take care of you both, my lady."
He looked around the square at the mass of people, and murmured, "Should we retire to the apartment? There is much to discuss."
I nodded and gave him my hand.
He looked down at me and smiled, "Let me repair your clothing, first."
Picking up the tatters of what I had worn before, he realized their uselessness. My friend Enigma, a seamstress, offered him robes she had with her, and he took them and began helping me dress. My knees trembled and my arms were weak. Julian lifted my robes over my shoulders and passed my arms through the sleeves, his touch gentle, his smile tender.
The robes were white, and pure, very unlike the dark leather I had become accustomed to.
He nodded, the tenderness dropping from his face, leaving it slack and emotionless. "It suits you now, human."
I was weak, but I was yet myself, and I raised an eyebrow. "Is 'human' supposed to be a term of endearment, half-demon?" I challenged.
He offered me a sly smile in return. "It is as you deem it."
The smile was nearly my undoing, for I had long valued his smiles beyond any treasure. I cast myself into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. My arms secure around his shoulders, I buried my face in his neck. "You could call me camel dung, and I'd still like it."
He leaned back, his gaze travelling over my body hungrily. "Being the half-demon that I am, I should say that you look delicious enough to eat."
I nodded and grinned, "Then perhaps you should."
Smiling, he set me back on my feet. "Then perhaps we should retire to.. elsewhere."
"As you wish, my lord..." I agreed. "You own me."
Taking my hand, he lead me down off of the podium, stopping momentarily at it's base. His eyes scanned the crowd warily as the people parted to give us room to pass. I could see in their gazes a deep respect for him, not only for his power, but for his wisdom and compassion.
My friends no longer had hatred in their eyes for him; rather I saw unshed tears of happiness for what we all must consider my salvation.
I am no longer Undead, and no longer relegated to living in the dank and dark catacombs.
I lay here in my soft bed, sunshine pouring through the window to fall upon us as we lay entwined in one another's arms.
As Julian stirs, I stroke my hand down his chest and over his abdomen, learning to love him as a living woman, without the defenses and distances that I must have had before.
What the future holds, I cannot say. The babe may yet be stolen by the Undead, or perhaps the Magi will try to abuse it. The citizens of Ireem may cast me out for bearing a babe out of wedlock.
But I cannot worry overmuch for tomorrow. I have today, and never thought to have such a lovely day again.
I live again! A living, breathing, human woman, a babe in my womb, and my lover's arms wrapped around me, holding us both close.
How this miracle came to pass is still a wonder to me, for I had been sure Julian would simply destroy me, so great was his rage, and so powerful the madness that gripped him.
Several of the magi had made my existence in the tower untenable. Julian is powerfully regarded, but the others could not accept me in their presence. They considered me an evil invading their sanctuary. In truth, I could not blame them.
While no group wanted me, I yet had many friends throughout Ireem, I found. My connections are vast; from high-ranking, beloved slaves in the palace, with the ear of the Princess, to city council members and leaders of the knights and bedouin, not to mention mere slavers and even prey. I have friends in many places, high and low. Many would not abandon me, though we must keep our friendships secret, for fear of retaliation from our own groups.
I had, however, heard reports that Julian had stated - loudly and for all to hear - that he did not care for my well-being, that I was of no interest to him.
I could not, of course, remain with the Magi under that type of "protection", and perhaps it would have been wiser to just quietly leave and make my own way. But my heart was bruised, and my woman's pride deeply offended. My pride is a weakness, and it brings me to do the most stupid things at times.
Anger propelled me. I had no intention, really, of harming my babe. While, as a demon myself, I had not the soft feelings a human mother might have, I would not have slaughtered the offspring of a succubus and a half-demon mage. The infant will be too powerful, even from birth, to waste in such a way. Humans may be suitable as blood sacrifices, but a child with such parentage and potential should be used more wisely, I had thought.
I was angry, though, and my pride could not allow me to sit idly by, a woman scorned and disrespected.
Without my sword, I had little to use to cause Julian any hurt back. I certainly could not challenge him to a dual, as I have done before. I felt he did not want me, and I was merely a hindrance, an annoyance to deal with. I was not sure he would have noticed if I had simply walked out of the tower, never to return.
I was most ashamed of the jealousy I felt - such a weak, puling emotion, to feel insecure over a man's affections, and to feel another woman as a threat. The woman who impelled such feelings was only a human, and a member of that worthless breed - a knight. She was a friend, however - one of those secret friends I have in the knight's ranks - and I had done her a favor.
Julian was there, and I saw him watching her closely. She noticed him as well, and when she whispered to me that I might share him with her, I became furious.
I reminded her, spitefully, of the impotence rumored of the Magi clan, and Julian heard my comments and stormed off. He just -- walked away to the Magi tower.
I returned to the apartments we had rented and brooded, wondering if he was meeting my friend secretly, wondering if he was looking for another lover amongst his own kind. Even an Undead Succubus, I discovered, can be consumed by silly, petty, ridiculous female jealousy. I would have given more than my soul to rid myself of such weakness, but alas, I know no cure.
While in the tower, Devlin, a slave of a mage whom I first befriended in my early, lonely days in Ireem, asked Julian about my welfare. She reported to me later that he dismissed any thought of me - making it clear that he cared not about either me or the babe.
This was my state of mind when I made the threats that led to my eventual salvation.
It horrifies me to admit it now, but I threatened to sacrifice my own child to Kora, the High Priestess of the Undead.
The sacrifice could have brought me back to the bosom of the Undead, one of my most important goals, of course. But that was not what compelled me. It was mere offended female pride that brought me to such depths as threatening to kill my own offspring.
Julian returned to our apartments, and I lay with him quietly, hiding the fury in my heart. While he slept, I stole his sword, and I hunted for Tenzing, a powerful, brilliant mage. She is a cornerstone of Magi power - she is more educated in their ways than any, even moreso than Julian.
With her capture, I could force her to sacrifice the infant to Kora, and Kora would surely take me back into the fold then. Enslaving a powerful magi and forcing her to sacrifice a magi demon baby to the high priestess? No gift could be greater, I thought.
I attacked her stupidly, on the sands, in broad daylight. I was too angry to plan the attack well - I knew it at the time, but rage took over my self-control.
Tenzing intends to raise the magi baby, and thus would not kill me, but she did manage to fight off my attacks. She allowed me to walk away to nurse my further injured pride.
I returned later, still determined to capture her. The other mage, Kwren, was there. I overheard Tenzing tell her, "Be careful of Anne, Kwren. She has a perchant for ambushing Magi at the moment."
"I may as well kill them all, along with the child I carry," I threatened.
Kenzing looked concerned, and said, "Your child is part of you as well, it is not all Magi. You can mould it, shape it how you like, into a great Undead."
This, I knew, was merely her way to stave off any further immediate attacks, until she could get Julian to try to bring me under control. We all knew that this child would never know its mother - Julian would turn it over to Tenzing to raise, and I would eventually make my way back to the Undead.
Thus, I challenged her faulty reasoning. "And what should I care about my own offspring? you don't imagine I have motherly instincts, do you?"
"No... But you do have instincts. Surely the thought that a life hangs in the balance of your decision, throughout it's life, brings you some pleasure."
"What better for an undead, than a baby killed in sacrifice?"
She sighed, and said "I'm only trying to bring a balance. I study for true immortality. This baby could be the key to many doors."
Of this, she may have been speaking truly. Few know it, even among the magi, but she seeks to study Undead so she can bring immortal life to human, living souls. This is why she wants my infant, not only for the awesome power the child will surely have at its disposal.
I went to the catacombs and recklessly entered where I was no longer welcome. I informed them that I planned to attack the Magi. The High Priestess asked if I planned to attack the baby's sire as well, wondering if I would attack the one who supposedly protected me.
I answered, "After he publicly declared that my welfare means nothing to him? unless he captures me, this baby is getting sacrificed to you, Queen Kora."
Xan began asking me about the rumors that the baby belonged to the angel knight, but I had no time to answer her. Tenzing and Kwren were alone on the sands, and I was tired of waiting - I was going to take them both.
I ran from the catacombs, and Xan paused for only a moment before taking her sword and rushing after me. My dear sister remains devoted, despite the doubts of the high priestess and the others.
We could have taken both the magi - Xan and I are both decent fightiers, and I had fury on my side. However, Tenzing yelled to the knights that I intended to sacrifice the infant, and the knights rushed in to protect them and fight me. I do not know if love for Lancelot was behind their actions, or merely alliance with the magi themselves. But it was unexpected; I was not prepared to fight against so many, with only my sister at my side.
We were holding our own, however, against the two magi and several knights, but then Julian appeared. He questioned me while I fought Tenzing, he asked why I would do such a thing when the magi had offered me their protection.
Refusing to answer, forgetting his awesome size and power and force, blinded by my own ire, I turned my weapon on him, and struck. He unsheathed his sword in a moment and began swinging at me, the blade slicing through the air with such speed and force, his eyes flashing and sparking with fury, his tail lashing, and his body drawn up to its full, awesome height.
He is only half-demon, but such a powerful half-demon that even I quake at the sight of him in his full power.
I saw only the knight, offering herself to him, and his gleam of interest as he observed her. I heard only the words the slave had said, that he dismissed me as unconsequential. I felt only jealousy and the fury of a woman's injured pride.
A smart woman would have run - safety was within reach, if I had but run. But I stood there and fought him, furiously attacking, not caring for the safety of the babe, or myself, or even Julian. I wanted blood; I wanted to taste death, either mine or his.
He was angry, but not overwhelmed by it. In all my great fury I could not touch his soul; I could not push him over the edge. Even yet, even with my betrayal of the magi, I could not touch his soul, I could not take his control.
I was furious. I lost all control to this half-demon, I lost my very soul to him, but he remained stoic, in power, unaffected in any primary way.
He had me down. In his strength he was able to parry my attacks, and strike so that my sword flung from my hand across the sand. He shoved me to the ground and kneeled there, his knee on my chest, pinning me.
Panting and enraged, I glared at him, but he only grinned slyly at me, taunting me. "The Magi will always prevail against the Undead."
Tenzing asked, "Who claims her capture?"
Julian wiped the sweat from his brow. "I do," he answered.
The mage Kwren looked at me with pity and said in a kind voice that infuriated me further, "Julian claims you. I can do nothing."
"Why should Julian claim me?" I asked. "I am led to understand that only Tenzing and Franz care for my welfare or the welfare of my babe. So perhaps one of them should take possession of me instead."
Kwren interrupted. "And do I, Anne. I care."
Anneliese Wolfenhaut looks steadily at Kwren. "Thank you, Kwren. It is nice to know I have some friends in the tower."
"That you have," she said, while Tenzing and Franz nodded in silent agreement.
Julian glanced at Kwren and myself, eyeing us with suspicion.
The knights and the magi stood watching us. I looked about for Xan, but saw her not. She had barely escaped, and did not yet know I had been taken.
One of the mages asked why I had fought, and why I had turned against them when they offered their protection. He asked if I fought for the Undead, in their attempts to acquire territory from the Magi.
Tenzing alone, however, understood my motivations. She is shrewd and aware. "Anne attacked me and Kwren, it is not about territory... More I think that she hates Magi..."
They looked at me, all of them, as I lay prone in the sands, powerless under Julian's strength. "I do," I answered. "I
"But why do the knights aid us?" he asked.
"I think the knights have a problem with my plan to sacrifice the baby," I answered him, glaring at the knights and the magi, avoiding Julian's gaze.
Julian fired a glare at me, "That makes two of us," he said, his knee pushing me harder into the sand.
"Word has it, you do not care for our safety, Mage," I spit out, and I began to struggle against him, in vain.
He merely smiled, a cool, sinister grin, and laid his hands on my shoulder, pinning me more securely to the ground. "What gave you that idea?" he asked.
I was unable to female bitterness from my voice, as I answered, "I have friends, Julian... they repeat the things you say. If you wish your treachery against my honor to be kept secret from me, then perhaps in the future you should whisper."
He stared at me for a long moment, while the others grew quiet, watching us. I challenged him, staring steadily into his gleaming demon eyes, daring him to deny it; I wanted him to state, plainly and for all to hear, that he cared for me. I was ashamed to realize it, but I wanted his public declaration of love and devotion -- such a pathetic thing for a succubus to even wish for from a half-demon.
In that moment, I felt weak and destroyed. Not because he had me on the ground beneath him; not because the magi and knights had witnessed my humiliation. But because my own heart had defeated me. In my heart of hearts, a human woman still existed, and it had taken me down. I was powerless to control my emotion.
Julian shrugged dismissively. "You assume I care about who knows me and what I think. Such is your folly."
Tenzing frowned and flashed a look of compassion and pity towards me. "Come Franz, Kwren... We should give them some privacy."
They left us alone, then -- the knights and the magi.
Julian stared at me for a long moment then moved his knee off my chest and yanked me by my shoulders to a sitting position. He insisted I explain what I meant.
"The slave told me, Julian.. she had asked after my welfare when you were in the tower, and you dismissed me. Even she was angry with you, and I grow tired -- very, very tired -- of hearing of your unconcern about me."
He simply stared, and I found myself breaking down, my voice shrill and plaintive, "The third time, Julian! This is the third time such reports have returned to me!"
He stared at me for a moment, in shock, then stood suddenly, towering over me. His eyes flashed silver sparks, and he yelled, "I was trying to get out of the tower to return to you in the apartment! I was dimissing the conversation so I could get back to you quickly!" He lowered his head, his face inches from my own, grabbing my shoulders roughly, his strong hands gripping me hard.
When he yelled, it was with full demon power, his voice booming across the sands, "Do NOT EVER convict me ofthis EVER AGAIN before you know FULL FUCKING WELL what happened!"
I stared into his eyes, realizing that I had never before seen his full power. I did not want to be the recipient of it. My own powers were weakened by the pregnancy. I could not use seduction or wiles to squirm my way to safety this time; I was lost, and had no control.
"You have no idea the anger I'm feeling right now," he whispered.
Oh, but I had.
His eyes glared with insanity and he lifted his hand, backhanding me with a vicious blow to the face. I fell to the ground, stunned.
"You will NOT sacrifice this child, you foolish bitch," he spat, and he grabbed me by the armed and yanked me to my feet. "Let's go!" he ordered, "and shut the FUCK up until we get there." He dragged me across the sands towards the city gates. As we neared them, I slowed, looking frantically for a friend to come to my aid.
He yanked me hard, almost knocking me down to my knees. "I said... MOVE!"
We past the gates and towards the auction block. I do not know how I managed to follow him; being sold to the highest bidder was one of my greatest fears. While I have many friends in Ireem, I also have great enemies, and I could not forget the mistreatment I suffered as a human girl, at the hands of a vicious slaver.
I overheard a mage say, "I can see no rational reason for her behaviour.. I can only think she is disturbed."
Little did he know! It was mere human feelings that were my undoing, all along. With all my power, as a demon and an Undead, I found myself laid low by something so pathetic as jealousy and injured female pride. At that moment, I felt more than disturbed.
Julian swung me around by my arm and propelled me onto the auction block angrily. His eyes flared with supreme hatred.
I glared at him, my cheek aching from the earlier blow on the sands, my fury overcoming my pride. I could not remain cool, as the people began noticing me there.
I looked longingly towards the catacombs, wondering where my brethren were, and why none cared enough to stand up for me. Had I lost them so thoroughly, then?
Grabbing my shoulder, Julian leaned into me, using his body weight to slam me down to my knees on the block.
I made eye contact with Tenzing for a moment; she saw what was happening, and while there was compassion there, it was distant; the communication was clear; she stood with Julian.
"Do you intend to kill us, Magi?" I spat, furiously tamping down my fear.
He offered me a cool, disdainful sneer. "For the time being, you're more useful to me otherwise." He leaned towards me, pointing a finger an inch from my bruised face. "Shut.. the FUCK.. up."
I felt the eyes of dozens upon me. I, who never submitted to any man, brought low before all, humiliated and powerless. I could not let them see my fear. I smiled at Julian, my eyes narrow with hatred, "And if I refuse to comply, Magi? What then? You slay me here, me and your precious child?"
A slave girl gasped, and yelled, "Why are they going to sacrifice your baby?"
I glanced at the girl and jerked my chin in Julian's direction. "Ask him. He's the father."
He wound up again, a fist this time, and slammed it into my jaw, my head cracking back and my face spilling blood upon the auction block devices.
"I said.. SILENCE!"
I slammed to the ground, stunned into silence.
My dear friend Devlin was there, standing with her Master, and I caught her horrified stare, and heard the gasps of slaves, prey who knew too well the pain of a violent master. I could not bear their pity, however, and I looked up at Julian instead.
He was glaring wildly, his lightning-streaked eyes sparking and flashing. He flexed his fingers, a sneer filled with deep-rooted insanity etched into his face. He leaned over me, his powerful body blocking my site of the onlookers, my world just filled at that moment with himself.
His immense form hoving over me, I licked the blood from my lip, and could not but feel a deep sadness. I stared at the gleaming muscles of his bare chest, smelled his masculine scent, and images of lust and heat filled my mind. Even still, I wanted him, powerless as always when it came to Julian.
He pointed his finger at me again, inches from my bruised face, and declared loudly for everyone to hear, "This child will not be sacrificed. It will become Magi."
I slowly sat up and stared into his eyes, and said quietly, "Then perhaps you had take better care of its mother, Magi."
Julian raised his voice and sent a sliver of magic into it, casting out across Ireem for all to hear, "You understand that, Undead? The Magi will have this child. I will have this child!"
I felt a thrill of victory then, a female excitement that started deep in my loins, and I wondered frantically how I might overcome him, finally and forever. I wanted his devotion. But alas, I could not. For Julian, as ever, was in control, of his own heart as well as my own. I would never own this mage. I would ever be enslaved to him instead.
A slave with tears in her eyes approached the elevated platform where I knelt, and bravely asked, "Would you like some water, Lady?"
I tore my gaze from Julian and glanced briefly at the woman. "If the child dies it suits me fine. I need nothing, save perhaps a knife to the womb." The girl shuddered, but I cared not. Let them all hate me, I reasoned. I was laid low; nothing mattered anymore.
From the other side of the auction square, a commotion began. Another slave, this time a devoted friend of mine, and a slave of another mage, had heard what was happening and had rushed to try to help me.
Kahdoosch approached Julian, more courage and foolishness than anything else, and declared, "A magi who beats his slaves, such an unusual sight. Are you sure you aren't a slaver, Lord Julian? Maybe you try to beat your unborn child out of the poor woman?"
Tenzing shushed him, stating, "Kahdoosh, do not interfere... He acts not as a Mage first, but as passion."
Julian ignored the taunts of the slave, and slammed his open hand into my throat, hooking his fingers around the back of my neck in a tight lock. "Your wellbeing is fixable, and if I deem it so - very painful. I dare you to speak again."
I tried to swallow, afraid of course, that he would finish my existence right then and there, but also I found myself undeniably aroused. He was touching me again, his hands on my flesh, his body overwhelming mine. Such power and grace and such a force, that I yet have trouble comprehending him.
I stared steadily at him, daring him, "Go ahead, Julian," I rasped, "kill me in front of all these people. I know you want to."
The girl who had offered me water shook her head and stumbled away, and I was not sure who had disgusted her more - Julian or myself.
Kahdoosch continued his protests, a lone voice at the auction square. All others watched silently. "A mage who acts through passion does not deserve the title of magi," he yelled. "The realm of thought has it's own rewards!"
Even Tenzing murmured an assent, the treatment evidently being harsher than she expected, and Kahdoosch continued, "Maybe Sir Julian demands the death of his child before he sees reason. The rumors I hear are true; the magi do need a new leader."
Julian continued to ignore the commotion and, keeping his hand wrapped about my throat, he smiled sadistically. "Fortunately for you, this spell requires you to be declothed."
I saw then that his hatred for me was real, for he knew the depths of my pride, and the mortification I had experienced when I was a human and a slave.
Glaring with impotent fury, I spat in his face, daring him to choke me to death first.
He simply grinned, using his tongue to lick away my spit. "Tastes like fear."
I hated him then, for as powerful as he was, I sensed in him a weakness that was greater than even my own. He was unable to admit to any affection for me at all, driven only by lust and greed for the babe I carried in my womb. "I do not fear you, Julian. You fear yourself."
Holding me still with the hand at my neck, he used his other to rip away my dress, tossing the scraps aside in ravenous hunger.
The knight Bikku gasped, and I heard her say, "He is too brutal!"
I felt the cool air against my bare skin, and I felt the eyes of all upon my naked flesh, and knew I should feel great shame for my humiliation. But it meant nothing, their gazes. It was all Julian. Julian, glaring at me, abusing me, hating me, denying anything so soft as love between us. It was Julian that laid me bare, he conspired with my emotions to destroy all my power, and leave me mortally wounded.
I looked only at him, not wanting to find what I knew would be in the eyes of the people who watched; pity, hatred, disgust, and lust. I wanted none of it.
Julian reared back with a closed fist and slammed it suddenly into my belly, sending a wave of magic with it... a spell spreading throughout my body like a thousand piercing knives.
I sucked in my breath, and a sudden, shocking revelation came to pass; now, as my body was consumed with destructive fire, I felt a love and devotion for the child that was surely dead within me.
I looked at him and whispered in regret and disbelief, "You killed our child, Julian?"
He answered coldly, "The damage I do is to the vessel only. I will not threaten the life of my child."
I closed my eyes and focused on the pain gripping my belly, and sure enough I felt the small movement of life within. The babe yet lived, and I sensed it was protected somehow, shielded from whatever injury its mother might sustain.
Kahdoosch gave me one last sad glance and said, "I must depart. I can watch this sacrilege no longer." He turned away from the sated throng, and said, "I hang my head in shame at the depth of my fellows' depravity."
Julian leaned close, licking his lips. "If you hadn't spit on me, I would've asked you to. Thank you for the final element in my spell. I need something to distinguish your flesh from my child's."
I looked at Tenzing, hoping for interference from her on my behalf, but seeing no intention there, I looked back to Julian. His face was no longer etched in rage, but the coldness I saw in his eyes, and the stubborn set of his jaw was much more frightening to me. "What do you intend?" I asked him.
The half-demon's face washed over me in a wave of cool, collected poise. I trembled, fully afraid for the first time, as he crouched down in front of me, offering me a sarcastic smile. "I dared you to speak again. And now I'm going to indulge your disobedient body."
A knight broke through the crowd to stand near us, and she shouted at him, "We see how you stand up to an unarmed woman - how would you stand up to an armed woman? I challenge you to the arena!"
When Julian refused to even look at her, she yelled more loudly, "Coward! To attack a defenseless woman!"
I looked at the knight, knowing full well that she could do nothing to stop the half-demon, not now, when it had gone so far. I wanted rescue, but knew it would not be possible.
And even in my condition, I could not bear to hear Julian called a coward. "While I would not put it past him to strike a defenseless woman, I must admit I may have drove him to this insanity. He IS just a man, after all... half demon or no."
The knight continued, "If he was a man - and not only male, he would be in the arena with me now."
"Perhaps you are right, knight. If he were truly a man, he would publicly declare his intention to protect me..."
He ignored my words, his level gaze never leaving my face and I could see that he was summoning power from deep within. He slowly raised a hand towards my mouth, his fingers open and spread... that sly smile still playing on his lips. I quivered with fear and lust and needs that I hardly comprehended, and visions of pathetic actions passed through my mind. Of throwing myself into his arms, of begging for his mercy and love... things I could never, ever do, as I knew he could not love me, not even for the sake of his child.
I stared at his hand, horrified and fascinated as his fingers jerked slightly, and a wave of fiery magic spilled out into my mouth, sinking down into my very being... seconds later, the magic solidified and coated itself over my mouth, sealing the orifice tight.
The knight and the onlookers close enough to see the spell gasped, shocked and surely frightened themselves.
"I'll get you Julian," the knight vowed. "Any knight will."
I blinked a few times, startled and shocked. I was unable to move my lips, unable to speak a word. He had silenced me.
One of the magi shouted to Julian, "Apply a coat to the knight's mouth, brother... she pollutes the ceremonial with her screams."
The knight heedlessly and perhaps foolishly continued, "Julian. Your life will be a mess if you do not release her."
He continued to ignore her, nodding slightly as he looked over his work, a satisfaction lining his face. He leaned another hand in and closed my nostrils tight. "I wonder if this would affect you as it would someone alive."
I struggled against his hands, then, feeling his fingers tighten around my throat, and trying to free myself from him. An involuntary whimper passed my throat and he released me then. He slapped me hard across the face. "Good. We learned something new today."
My head slammed back against the auction pole, and as I ignored the sharp pain, I glared at him, unable to taunt him in any other way.
He stood to his full height, breathing deeply, and stepped down off the platform.
The people grew hushed, as they looked upon his powerful form. Surely they feared his power, now that they saw his method of silencing me. What other magic might he have at his disposal? I know not myself.
Tenzing walked over to the knight and placed her hand on the knight's shoulder, whispering, "Without Julian's interference, an innocent child would be dead right now. It is not a pretty situation, but the crime of angry passion of a hurt father is a small price to pay for the life of the child..."
Bikku muttered, "But the child of what? Such a monster..."
Julian raised his hands to the crowd. "I didn't expect you all to have a desire to watch this, but so be it. I'm happy to oblige."
The knight challenged Tenzing, "Are you out of your mind?"
Kwren replied, "It is true.. I can vouch for that. We attend to give a farewell to Anne and accompany her to her passage.. too."
Julian spun back around and faced me, closing his eyes shut.
The knight continued, "Do all here agree with this terrible act?"
Julian's fingers curled up into fists as he raised his chiseled visage to the heavens, his lips mouthing the words to begin the spell. A breeze brought goosebumps to my exposed flesh, and I heard the trill of a bird in the distance.
I knew it was the end; he was going to finish me off, a final death for an Undead, and thus, I stole the moment for myself. I watched his face, his beautiful face, which I had kissed and touched. My gaze dropped to his broad chest and his rippled belly, and below to his hips and powerful thighs. Images flashed through my mind of dark nights spent in his lover's embrace, and I clung to them, entwining them in this moment in my mind. Julian, standing there, eyes closed, preparing for my eternal death. Julian, wrapped around me in the night, his pelvis thrust against mine, my legs wrapped around his hips, the slide of our skin in passion and shared ecstasy.
It was all the same, this moment -- for love had brought me here, to my ultimate destruction. And even still, had I the power to leave him and save myself, I would not. I would lay my life before him, had he willed it, and it seemed he had.
Julian was my master -- my only superior here on this earth, and perhaps the only one I would recognize even in the heavens.
I watched him, pleading with my eyes for him to forgive me and love me, but I saw no reprieve.
As if from a great distance, I heard the knight mutter, "Julian, you will be a hunted animal now."
Julian breathed deeply then, and lowered his face to mine, his eyes drifting closed in concentration. The air suddenly shimmered with an explosion without sound.
His eyes opened and an onslaught of bolts arced from his retinas as he stared at me... a single, threaded bolt flared out and struck the ground nearby, sending a shattered, crumbling slab of marble away over the cliffs.
I felt the reverberations as if the impact had hit me directly, sharp pain filling my entire body. I crumpled to the floor, my breath knocked entirely out of me, and I lay very still. Opening my eyes, I thought it strange that the people just stood there, unaffected, and that all had not been torn asunder by the power of the spell.
His faced looked carved from stone as he gazed at me, a brilliant and deadly array of small bolts of lightning spewing from his eyes.
Julian moved closer to the podium... jagged sparks threatening to pierce the crowd.. coming inches from a very quick death.
Slaves and citizens backed away, a space opening up before the auction stand upon which I lay. I stirred, and weakly sat, bracing my hand on the ground for support.
He raised his hands slightly, his mouth still chanting in silence. "Now.. to separate you from the baby you wish to sacrifice."
I heard gasps from the crowd, and Bikk yelled, "Anne!"
His hands continue to rise. "But first.. let's put some life into that corpse."
"I cannot bear to watch. Anne!" Bikk yelled, yet I was too weak to acknowledge her.
I focused my gaze on the catacombs, wishing for Xan, or my brother Damien to at least stand by my side as I passed on, if not to save me. For I knew I could not be saved. Julian's will was too strong.
As he pushed his hands forward an enormous onslaught of lighting spewed from his outstretched fingers, catching me with an intensity that I shall never forget. It's magic passed into my body... wrapped throughout my entire being... and embraced my soul.
I collapsed and felt the ground rush up to meet me.
I know not how much time had passed, but I awoke to find Julian kneeling before me, large and looming, but with concern and what I can only describe as deep affection etched in his face.
He waved his hand, and the magic encasing my mouth disappeared in a puff of dust. I licked my dry, cracked lips and looked at him as I whispered, "Julian?"
"How do you feel?" he asked, his voice quiet. He leaned down, hooking his hands up under my arms and lifting me to my feet.
I felt my pulse restarted, blood which had solidified long ago pumped through my now-human veins, affirming that his magic had worked. I was once again, alive.
A sob caught in my throat as I felt a lurching from the depths of my soul, of love and adoration.
"I feel... different." Looking up at him I bit my lip. I was afraid to ask, but really, what else was there for me, but him? "Will you take care of me now?"
I watched as his broad shoulders relaxed and his breathing slowed. Wiping his forehead of sweat, his gaze was steady and he made his vow. "I will take care of you both, my lady."
He looked around the square at the mass of people, and murmured, "Should we retire to the apartment? There is much to discuss."
I nodded and gave him my hand.
He looked down at me and smiled, "Let me repair your clothing, first."
Picking up the tatters of what I had worn before, he realized their uselessness. My friend Enigma, a seamstress, offered him robes she had with her, and he took them and began helping me dress. My knees trembled and my arms were weak. Julian lifted my robes over my shoulders and passed my arms through the sleeves, his touch gentle, his smile tender.
The robes were white, and pure, very unlike the dark leather I had become accustomed to.
He nodded, the tenderness dropping from his face, leaving it slack and emotionless. "It suits you now, human."
I was weak, but I was yet myself, and I raised an eyebrow. "Is 'human' supposed to be a term of endearment, half-demon?" I challenged.
He offered me a sly smile in return. "It is as you deem it."
The smile was nearly my undoing, for I had long valued his smiles beyond any treasure. I cast myself into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. My arms secure around his shoulders, I buried my face in his neck. "You could call me camel dung, and I'd still like it."
He leaned back, his gaze travelling over my body hungrily. "Being the half-demon that I am, I should say that you look delicious enough to eat."
I nodded and grinned, "Then perhaps you should."
Smiling, he set me back on my feet. "Then perhaps we should retire to.. elsewhere."
"As you wish, my lord..." I agreed. "You own me."
Taking my hand, he lead me down off of the podium, stopping momentarily at it's base. His eyes scanned the crowd warily as the people parted to give us room to pass. I could see in their gazes a deep respect for him, not only for his power, but for his wisdom and compassion.
My friends no longer had hatred in their eyes for him; rather I saw unshed tears of happiness for what we all must consider my salvation.
I am no longer Undead, and no longer relegated to living in the dank and dark catacombs.
I lay here in my soft bed, sunshine pouring through the window to fall upon us as we lay entwined in one another's arms.
As Julian stirs, I stroke my hand down his chest and over his abdomen, learning to love him as a living woman, without the defenses and distances that I must have had before.
What the future holds, I cannot say. The babe may yet be stolen by the Undead, or perhaps the Magi will try to abuse it. The citizens of Ireem may cast me out for bearing a babe out of wedlock.
But I cannot worry overmuch for tomorrow. I have today, and never thought to have such a lovely day again.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Under Julian's Protection
Julian spoke to the other magi, insisting that I be offered protection within their tower.
My own kind had betrayed me; with the mage's babe growing in my womb, they no longer trusted me. Rumors abound that the babe I carry belongs to the half-angel knight, which everyone could agree was an abomination - the child of a demon and an angel surely would bring chaos to the land.
However bad that would have been, to my people, I had truly done worse. The magi are the greatest threat to the Undead. I had trysted with one of their most powerful members. He may be half-demon, but he is half-human as well, and another reason for my own kind to hate me.
The knights are a threat to our safety, but the Magi threaten our very souls, for they alone have the power to transform us into living, human flesh, and this remains one of their primary goals -- to rid the land of Undead by making us all mere, weak humans.
My deepest fear is that they may all -- the Undead, the magi, even Julian himself - discover my greatest betrayal and most terrible weakness. And even though I love my brother and the other Undead, and would do anything for them, even to the point of risking my own child -- my heart belongs to the mage, and I feel my soul giving itself over him little by little.
My own kind had betrayed me; with the mage's babe growing in my womb, they no longer trusted me. Rumors abound that the babe I carry belongs to the half-angel knight, which everyone could agree was an abomination - the child of a demon and an angel surely would bring chaos to the land.
However bad that would have been, to my people, I had truly done worse. The magi are the greatest threat to the Undead. I had trysted with one of their most powerful members. He may be half-demon, but he is half-human as well, and another reason for my own kind to hate me.
The knights are a threat to our safety, but the Magi threaten our very souls, for they alone have the power to transform us into living, human flesh, and this remains one of their primary goals -- to rid the land of Undead by making us all mere, weak humans.
My deepest fear is that they may all -- the Undead, the magi, even Julian himself - discover my greatest betrayal and most terrible weakness. And even though I love my brother and the other Undead, and would do anything for them, even to the point of risking my own child -- my heart belongs to the mage, and I feel my soul giving itself over him little by little.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Temporary shelter
Last night, Julian invited me to rest in the tower. But in the morning, while he was deep in meditation one of the others, by the name of Derry, insisted I leave. He tried to trick me into falling off a balcony - he hoped to kill the babe with the fall. As I stood and brushed myself off, I realized that my baby is protected by a greater force than even I. Whether the child of a half-demon or half-angel, I know not. I only know that magic keeps it safe.
So long as I live, the child shall grow inside me.
When I saw Derry unsheathe his sword, I ran. Franz shouted after me that I was still under Magi protection, but his words mean little against the blade of a sword.
I wander the sands, and scurry in the city, from place to place, sleeping whenever I can, prepared even in my slumber to jump up and run for safety.
I have fallen from great heights in Ireem. I scurry and hide from both the living and the dead like a rat in the sewers.
What will become of a child so hated?
So long as I live, the child shall grow inside me.
When I saw Derry unsheathe his sword, I ran. Franz shouted after me that I was still under Magi protection, but his words mean little against the blade of a sword.
I wander the sands, and scurry in the city, from place to place, sleeping whenever I can, prepared even in my slumber to jump up and run for safety.
I have fallen from great heights in Ireem. I scurry and hide from both the living and the dead like a rat in the sewers.
What will become of a child so hated?
Succubus Lost in Kingdom of Sand
I wasn't expecting Ireem to be a gentle place. Betrayal and dishonor had brought me to the city; I did not seek kindness upon it's slavetrading shores.
As I search for a safe place to bear my child, hunted by what seems to be the entire city and even my own kind, I find myself cherishing in my heart the brief moments of kindness that have touched me even here.
Julian the Magi alone has the power to save us, yet he cannot know of my weakness. He may be a greater danger to me than all the others; I cannot show him the power he has over me for fear of what he might do to my very soul.
As I search for a safe place to bear my child, hunted by what seems to be the entire city and even my own kind, I find myself cherishing in my heart the brief moments of kindness that have touched me even here.
Julian the Magi alone has the power to save us, yet he cannot know of my weakness. He may be a greater danger to me than all the others; I cannot show him the power he has over me for fear of what he might do to my very soul.
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